Assertive Communication Skills

Assertive communicators can express their own needs, desires, ideas and feelings, while also considering the needs of others.

NVC Steps

Observe the situation. Please do not act or speak prematurely. Learn about the people and the problem. (You see, hear, without evaluation)

Your Feelings (emotions or sensations) in relation what you have observed.

Your Need or Value that causes your feeling.

Request: The concrete action you would like to be taken

Your Needs

It is very important to be able to communicate your needs.

When our needs are met, we feel positive emotions and when our needs are not met it affects our mood negatively.

Communicate Your Feelings

We feel positive emotions when our needs are met and when they are not met, we feel negative emotions.

Know Yourself

Be clear about your needs and feelings, build a wide vocabulary so you can be specific when you communicate about them.

A New Language

I need instead of I have to or I must

Conflict resolution in NVC

Who owns the problem?

Human Rights

The Twentieth century brought us some recognition to human rights. Unfortunately we are still far from the point when all governments and all groups on Earth would abide by them, it is a start for every one of us. So know our fundamental rights and respect the rights of others. Always.

Universal Declaration of Rights 1948

African Charter on Human and Peoples' Rights

Arab Charter on Human rights

Passive Communicator

Often act indifferently, yielding to others

They fail to express their needs and feelings

Lack of communication builds resentment and builds up anger

The Aggressive Communicator

Loud and demanding, often issue commands, ask questions rudely and fail to listen to others

They are dominating and controlling others by blaming, intimidating, criticizing, threatening or attacking them.

They can maintain intense eye contact.

Grammar of Violence

Should/ shouldn’t = outside force, cultural or other pressure

Have to/ Must

Passive voice: eg. I am frustrated: it just means someone frustrates you = offensive

stupid, pretty, etc.: intellectual evaluations

to be: that is labeling and judging

You are selfish. I am so stupid! He is kind.

Passive Aggressive Communicator

Appears passive on the surface but within building up resentment leads to acting out in subtle and indirect ways.

They might mutter to themselves rather than confront someone.

Their expressions might not correlate with their words, they might even deny there is a problem.

They might give the silent treatment, spread rumors, or sabotage other people’s efforts.

They might appear cooperative but silently they do the opposite.

False Positives

Always gives positive feedback without being genuine.

You always look so smart!

The Bully

Who has power over another person

Bullying can turn into harassment when the behavior goes against Canada’s Human Rights Laws and focuses on treating people differently because of: age, race, gender, ethnicity, sex, sexual orientation, family status, marital status, mental and physical disability.

The different types of bullying

• Physical bullying: using physical force or aggression against another person (e.g., hitting)

• Verbal bullying: using words to verbally attack someone (e.g., name-calling)

• Social/relational bullying: trying to hurt someone through excluding them, spreading rumors or ignoring them (e.g., gossiping)

• Cyberbullying: using electronic media to threaten, embarrass, intimidate, or exclude someone, or to damage their reputation (e.g., sending threatening text messages).

The Dark Triad

The Sociopath or Psychopath

The Narcissist

The Machiavellian

The Manipulator

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